Spontaneous Pleasures

 It's a random Friday afternoon and my phone rings.

"What are you doing tonight?" my sister asks.

"No plans yet, why what do you have in mind?" I answer.

"Well Andrew is on a work trip this weekend and I was thinking it would be fun to have a sisters night. I know it's last minute but thought it couldn't hurt to ask."

"Aww Sissy, I would love that! I can come over right after work, be at your house around 6ish" 

This is just one example of how I get to decide all by myself if I am going to accept a last minute spontaneous invitation to hang out with my sister or not. I don't need to discuss with anyone else about our Friday night plans, then ask if they mind if I go spend time with my sister. I get to just check in with myself and decide if I want to drive 50 minutes away after working all day? Will I want to spend the night or drive home later? Do I want to spend the money on dinner and drinks? I decide the answers to those questions and then I make the decision. Sometimes I take time to answer and sometimes I am excited and right away the answer is YES!

This is yet another wonderful surprise I discovered I love about being single. I have the ability to make plans at any given moment and I don't need to run it by my partner and make sure they don't have expectations for our time. A friend invites me to go to a concert. I can decide to go and there is no conflict. It's glorious! 

Do I want to pack up the car and go camping this weekend? Yes I don't have anything going on. Let's go!

Do I want to go grab Chipotle for dinner instead of eating leftovers in my fridge. Yes that is what I'm feeling in this particular moment. or No I shouldn't spend the money on unnecessary things this week.

Do I want to adopt this ferret I am holding in the pet store? Yes! Do I need to take into consideration any body else's feelings? Nope! And bringing home that baby ferret was one of my favorite spontaneous decisions and has brought me joy every day since.

Yes I love the freedom to make my own decisions without considering what my significant other would think. I like not having to answer to anyone but me. I get to decide how I spend my time, what I eat and where I go and with whom I spend my time with at any given moment. Last minute invitations are no problem. 

I didn't miss this ability while being married because I never experienced this freedom till after my divorce from my second husband. First there were my parents I had to answer to, and then my first husband from age 18 till age 27. I then met the man that would become my second husband soon after. Fear lead me to jump right into another relationship and apparently I had more lessons to learn before being strong enough to live on my own and learn to appreciate the time I would spend learning to love myself and do the work needed to heal from the things that left me feeling ok with living in abusive relationships. And during this time, which is going on eight years now, I have learned to appreciate this freedom from answering to another person. I'm not ready to give it up!